Today I saw you for the first time in months
You were not not late. Though usually you are.
This time, you were seated waiting for us
I ran and gave you a hug. I was so happy to see you.
We were itching to go to the play court
But you made us watch you eat first. Slurping your soup,
While interrogating us about our mother’s sleeping habits.
I was barely paying attention. The swings were calling me…
I asked for candy floss, but you said you preferred ice cream
Which you bought despite my insistence on the former.
In return, you demanded a kiss as ‘thank you’
I knew I owed you a ‘thank you’ but I wasn’t quite clear on the kiss.
You tried to guilt trip me into sharing my floss
I usually share. But this time, I didn’t want to.
So you called me fat. Robust. An unworthy big sister.
At least you complimented my hair on this visit.
You shamed me ‘cos I didn’t want to ride the horse.
You said I was a coward. That I got the fearfulness from my mom.
Clearly I’m not supposed to hesitate,
Or have contrary opinions about anything you suggest.
You’ve barely seen me. You don’t even know my favorite color.
Yet you’ve decided there are things about me you must change.
But I love all of me, my mum and my sister just the way we are
Why can’t you love me just the way I am?
The court and I caught you in a lie about abusing both drugs and my mum
You laughed off the perjury, claiming you apologized
Never once addressing the lies.
I guess its all okay…since…you apologized…right?