Sometimes I pee standing up. I aim. Sometimes I squat a little so I don’t miss. If I splatter, I wipe it down. Just another day in an ordinary girls life dealing with regular body fluids. Navigating the toilet is a life skill we acquire when faced with unsanitary toilet conditions. God knows we can’t sit on just any toilet! If you don’t have a vagina, AND don’t understand how urinary tract infections happen, you can spare all of us your opinions about any of this. 

I don’t know what the big deal is. Sometimes I sit too. It depends on the circumstances. Maybe even my mood. Who cares? I’m pretty sure men pee both standing and sitting too. You don’t see me raising a fuss. Yet the person who has given me the most grief about this is my now ex-boyfriend. And without irony too even as he tucks his penis into the toilet bowl to pee and then poo. I guess his convenience and relief were paramount (as usual).

Quarantine made me see nweeee! Red flags all around. Gave me the runs. So I ran! My ex-boo said it was unladylike to stand and pee. That if we have children, I’d better not teach our daughters to pee like me. There was clearly no self awareness that he often left the toilet I shared with him in a state in which I simply could not bring myself to sit. No no. For him, it was more important that I maintain the appearance of female gentility for his benefit. I could have no valid reason for handling my own body they way I want to. Oh and ofcourse, I better not decrease our hypothetical future daughters marriage potential. Because women’s self preservation is always secondary to the appeasement of the male gaze. 

The infiltration of women’s business (read – bodies) even in the ‘ladies’ room, again shows the disregard of our boundaries. Women must act like ladies for men’s benefit, lest our convenience offends others’ delicate balance of what we are supposed to be. When men whip out their penises on the road and pee willy nilly, they definitely do not worry about my convenience.  If that doesn’t tell you that the roots of «ladylike-ness» have nothing to do with women’s needs, and everything to do with controlling women, I don’t know what does.

Imma do me, in and out of the ladies room. You do you boo. Just stay out of my way.

By Wande

Photocredit: Clipart library