This unrivaled fool opened his mouth

Saying how all he got was a decree.

He was expecting a return of the bride price

since I no longer liked his ‘goatee’.

When his lizard brain added

“The importance of not taking culture for granted”

I looked at him askance and said:

“My fren’ are you retarded?”

Dum-dum, where was culture and tradition

when you physically assaulted me?

When you tried to drug our children

did fraud and stole my fathers jeep?

Must be shayo courage speaking

or is hypocrisy your culture too?

Bride price kò. Bride price ni

you must have nothing better to do.

You can barely read and write,

why pretend to understand culture?

Unless you learned wife beating from your parents,

then you’re no better than a vulture.

Know your place. You’re a disgrace

and on the wrong side of history.

If no-one else will tell you, I will.

Shio! Get used to my delivery.

Do the math for who owes who what

and come back to me with a number.

But you failed school (except PE)

so from you it’s just violence or slumber.

Just focus on feeding all your children now

and finding help for your mentality.

‘Cos even if you’re having money issues ‘son’,

Bride price kò. Bride price ni.

This philistine opened his mouth and said

my people should return the bride price.

I told him “My kin do not sell their daughters,

go back and check the notes twice”.

But damn, despite all you stole,

are you this level of broke?

My dear, focus on your strengths – comedy and failed marriage

Then you will be dowry collector bespoke.

(Click here for recording)

By Uzochukwu